Changing gears…

After over 25+ years in our home, this is the year my husband and I will be moving across town to a newly renovated townhome. Closing the door for the final time on our homestead where 4 generations of our family have lived will take my breath away. For a moment, I will take time to thank God for the years in this home and all the joys and sadnesses that hand in hand we both shared.

For those of you, who have already done a move like this I empathize, it is like no other move I have done in the past. While I am looking forward to our new home it is a daunting, exhausting journey to close one door and open another.

So many memories are in this home where I am sitting writing. Our girls spent their high school and college years here. My mother, her brother, my husband’s mother and my granddaughter came through this home as well and there are all kinds of things in our home that cling to powerful moments and memories of all those loved ones.

My own family home as a child was a three generation one. So many memories were shoved into our small 2-bedroom city apartment which faced the beautiful Hudson River in New York. Carved into my memory are all the holidays, family birthday gatherings , graduations, weddings and funerals. Now for the most part, all that is left of my childhood home are some photos, holiday dishes and momentos which I treasure but truthfully do not enjoy so much. On the contrary, sometimes they smother me. Honestly, do any of you feel that way? It is such a very unpleasant feeling, somewhere between attachment to the memories and guilt for wanting to get rid of the “stuff” of the past and be free to enjoy the present.

Right now, I am torn as I go through the “stuff”of my own life over the years in this beautiful home. The question I continually ask myself is, do I love it or I am just afraid to give it away, knowing it is from a past time never to be recaptured?

So, as I am coming to grips with all these emotions and trying to cope, I have decided to get outside help to physically approach the “stuff” and make the decision to give away, throw away or keep. I have been tackling this for a few months at a very slow pace. I have decided to take photos of meaningful things that I will be donating. It is NOT easy.

During difficult and stressful times, there is always something good. I have discovered long lost recipes and little things that have long been missing, hiding among the “stuff” of a real life. Let’s hope I can keep track of them as we move on for one more go around.

My goal is to be done by mid February. Fingers crossed all goes well “one day at a time.”

About lorettelavine

Wife, mother, grandmother, registered nurse, licensed clinical social worker, blogger. Parent and child advocate, involved in life.
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